I'm so pissed off at myself. I'm distracted and can't focus on tasks at hand. My mind keeps wandering to my most recent lover who is a meth addict and who is in jail. Not for meth but because he stupidly, idiotically - was probably tweaking and all angry and fired up - got into such a brawl with his son that the cops were called and he was thrown in jail whereupon it was discovered that there was a warrant for him in another state for skipping out on probation and non-payment of child support for 3 of his younger kids and he is now in jail halfway across the country. Of course, I'm not even in the same country as I'm fucking off in Mexico but still, if he were closer, say in that state just above the border where we met, I could go visit him.
The thing is, he probably blames his son for his current predicament - something along the line of "If you would've removed your hat like I asked you to, this never would have happened..." One time this lover and I got into a fight on the side of the road. Nothing serious but he was making me crazy so I got out of the truck and began walking back to the town we had just left when Border Patrol pulled over to see what was up. After I let BP take me back to the truck, where my lover, too, was having a little chat with a Border Patrol officer, as we drove away this lover of mine said I was crazy, what was I thinking, didn't I know that he'd be in big trouble if they had run his driver's license through the system? I didn't say anything; no sense trying to talk sense to someone who is high.
And another thing, not to give the wrong impression and all, about me and my choice of men, but when this guy was merely stoned (not tweaking) and not talking hatred and spewing racist crap and trying to talk me into going out into the desert to shoot his AK47, when he wasn't doing all that shit, he was a really nice guy.
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