If any of you find yourselves with a friend or loved-one in prison, I can help you track 'em down. I have become an expert at navigating the internets for court cases and docket entries. Yes, girls, you too can search for an old boyfriend, someone who maybe disappeared after a drug-deal gone bad. Or, if you're into bad boys, you might want to peruse mugshots, a sort of match.com for that hot prisoner...someone you can write to, visit at their correctional facility, pine away for, be the patient and loving woman who wants nothing more than to reach out for that man of hers trapped behind those prison walls.
I was trying to find out when my jailbird boyfriend will be released from jail. I came across a forum for people (mostly women) with loved-ones in prison, wanting to connect with others in the same predicament, or wanting information on how to maneuver the system. Questions like: ‘Can I write sexually-explicit letters?’ (I was wondering that very thing!) ‘I just turned 18; can I visit him on my own?’ ‘What is the dress code for visitors?’ It was a helpful forum and I found a phone number where I could enter my jailbird's ID and get a recording telling me where he is housed and what his release date is. Dear Lord, I hope he's finagled some sort of probation; otherwise, the dude is due to be locked away for a long fucking time.
Start Side Bar: Having been a single mom who never got child support, believe me, I think people need to pay for the kids they bring into the world. But tell me this: How does someone pay when they're in prison? Not only that, but who paid for my jailbird BF to be flown from one state to another? Who is paying for his room and board? Me thinks its you and me and the woman he owes the child support to. Granted, letting him out of prison provides no guarantee that he will provide. I don't know what the answer is but this doesn't make much sense to me. End Side Bar.
The prison forum was a sad place to hang out. I don't want to make fun of these woman but I can't help myself. That being said, I do have sympathy for them. Believe me, it's just a hop/skip/jump from "antonia" to "tru blu and pining for u". Here are some of the forum members:
2_getha_4 eva
beautifulshorty (this was her question): I was wodering if anyone could hlp me with getting married at JCCC. We are getting remarried in October on our 13th anniversary after the state ordered me to divorce my husband. I appreciate any help.
Dear Shorty: Let's see if I have this straight: The State ordered your divorce so he must've done something bad but you've forgiven him (he's really, really sorry). Now you want to remarry while he is in prison. I wonder, will the State let you do this? Please keep me posted and best wishes for a happy future.
NaievNewlywed. She responded to a post about guys not showing up for their probation meetings: I dont' mean to sound dumb or disrespectful to anyone, but why wouldn't someone report when supposed to?
Dear Ms. Naiev...the name suits you; if indeed you mean 'naive'.
(Can I say how infuriating blogger is when it comes to font-shifting? aargh!)
There are the posters with heart-wrenching sayings attached to their signatures. Like:
To the world he may be one person, but to us he is the world
When you're gone the peices [sic] of my heart are missing you
Our love will always be stronger than the bars you are behind
Tough times don't last; tough people do
I was especially interested in the thread on the posting of mugshots:
BabyBooba: Okay, it was just a matter of time for this to happen. My husband got a letter from someone that found him on the offender search that is linked to the DOC site. It was from some girl that he used to date back in junior high! I'm not worried about it and even told him it was okay to write her back (mostly to find out why she was searching the DOC site to begin with) but he won't. She even mentioned that he still looked the same as he used to, only older! So I know it wasn't vinelink.
Kevins princess bride: Hmm, vinelink is exactly how I found Kevin again.Ravenslove (waiting for my heart): yes it just happened to us last week. This girl was searching for him and found him on the Ohio offender web site. Not worried either but it sure is funny how these chicks come out of the woodwork now that it is near the end of his sentence.
I do believe that Ravenslove just dissed Kevins princess bride.
I can no longer deal with blogger's quirks so you all will just have to wait for some prison pen pal listings manana or whenever. But listen, if I do decide to go into the "find your jailbird" business, I'll post a PayPal logo on the right - that'll mean the shop's open for business.
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