the creature behind my bed

I keep this blog anonymous - who I am, where I am - so I can write things like "The Landlord's house is a pigsty." Has he ever cleaned it? Granted, it's a work in progress. Floors need to be laid (or is that lain?), walls painted, window panes replaced but good grief. And even though I'm not much of a housekeeper, I do keep things dusted and wiped down. Not so here. At least the neighbor cleaned the bathroom and changed the bed linens before I arrived.

So the other night I went to change the sheets and I saw a big black bug-type leg sicking out from behind the headboard. As I jumped back, it seemed to withdraw. I ran out of the room, grabbed a fly swatter and a giant stick. The black leg reappeared when I waved the fly swatter between the wall and the headboard.

In an "Annie Hall" move I went looking for someone to get the creature. My neighbor's lights were out so I called the Italian. He is total type A and I knew he'd be up and wouldn't mind an excursion to save a damsel in distress. He came down to the Landlord's house, moved the bed out from the wall. There on the floor was a white postcard with black lines on it. Was that my creature? Had it fallen from a perch somewhere when I jostled the bed? Just to make sure, we lifted the mattress. All we saw were a shitload of spiders scurrying about but none of them big enough to be my creature.

Before going to bed I went into the bathroom where I found two ticks lolly-gagging, one on the floor and another on the side of the tub. I picked them up and deposited them in the toilet. I must've brought them in from the Landlord's truck when we went to lunch. Out at the ranch where he is staying they have - wait, let me count them - six, I think, big dogs and his dog always rides in the truck with him. Last week, when we went to the emergency room so the Landlord could get rehydrated, I had to laugh as he picked ticks off his body, squeezed them, and dropped them onto the ER floor. Well, it was funny because I was not going to be the next person to use that emergency room bed.

Spiders, ticks...I did not sleep at all that night. I felt like a meth addict - my skin crawling with imaginary bugs. Scratch, scratch, arms, legs, scalp. I guess it's time to get down to the nitty-gritty of cleaning. But first I need lots of music, a hazmat suit, and a thermos-full of martinis. Cheers.

twenty beds

It took a lot to run me off the beach: the unrelenting heat, the humidity, electricity going out every day. Then some ants moved in with their tour guide - a mouse. Finally two earthquakes struck in the Sea of Cortez and I cried "uncle." I threw some clothes in my truck, locked up the trailer, and headed for Estates Unidos for, oh I don't know, I figured a couple weeks. That was on August 3.

Ninety days, 4000 miles and about twenty beds later I'm back in that little blue dot town in southern Arizona. I was sure I'd be back in Mexico by the first of November but then The Landlord got sick - seriously sick - and so I'm hangin' here till he has surgery and a prognosis. It was just a few days after I crossed the border in August that the Yoga Teacher died, suddenly, in his sleep. There went the core of my 11:11 club.

It was the day I reached Portland, around September 1st, that a Portland barfly friend of mine died.

I felt as though this impromptu road trip - from AZ to OR - was a death tour. As I roamed the streets of Portland I saw dead friends. Isn't that the bookstore owner? Isn't that the writer? My friend the recycler and beer brewer? My favorite waiter? No, it couldn't be. They're all dead.

When I got back to this little AZ town I thought The Landlord was a goner. Damn, I'd never seen someone look so bad so fast. But with a new doctor, a new surgeon, and a little bit of pot to enhance his appetite, he's looking pretty good and we're all feeling quite optimistic.

Tomorrow is 11/11/2009 (2009 which adds up to 11). The club continues. The Yoga Teacher is here in spirit and I will drink a shot of tequila in his honor at 11:11 . Hell, maybe at both 11:11's.

CPR for bloggie

I heard Keith Olbermann say that Facebook was for people too lazy to blog. No kidding. I joined FB and there went Blogger.

It's time to revive it. Breathe some new life into the thing. But how to revamp it? Make it more interesting? I can't really think about that now. I'm off to Safeway for orange juice. Oh, yeah, I'm temporarily not in Mexico but I should be returning soon-ish.

la jefa

It's not like I don't have enough to do....working, writing, cocktailing, walking the beach. Now my Mexican boss, Rosa, is on my ass to make earrings that she can sell at her flea market stall on Sundays.

Rosa is a very industrious woman. She walks the beach very early each morning picking up cans to recycle. She collects all sorts of things to sell and give away. She's involved with a group here I can never remember the name of but it's a sort of Habitat for Humanity kind of place. And now she's my boss - la jefa.

Rosa is very particular about the earrings she wants. Primary colors with lots of beads; not too long but they have to be sort of dangly.

It's amazing how far we've gotten in our business relationship given the language barrier.

The biggest problem now is how much does she want to sell them for and how much is her commission? Given what people will pay, she's out of luck with earrings made of crystals, pearls and gem stones. I figure I'll be lucky to cover the cost of materials but, you know what? That's okay. Beings as I'm kind of broke right now, this is a good way for me to make a donation to a local charity.

Andale, antonia, andale!

can a man and a woman be friends? most people think not i think

Living in a small trailer park in Mexico forces me to interact with people I don't particularly care for. Interpersonal dynamics and individual biases cannot be avoided. This brings me to my latest conversation with Lesbian Couple #2.

I should dig up the original post so I can link to that but I'm too lazy so bear with me. They are the "liberal" couple I initially got along with but who I came to not like very much. They live in my old space which is right across the lane.

This was our conversation the other day after the Big One saw my newly installed ceiling fan.

She: Where did you get that fan?
Me: From Bobito and the Skeeper installed it.
She: How do you get men to do all these things for you?
Me: Well, that's kind of a new phenomenon. I used to be terrible about asking for help and now the universe just gives it to me.
She: Can I ask you a question? Do you pay them back?

In other words, am I a mooch or a whore?

I answered her question but afterward I was really pissed. I thought of all kinds of things I should've said.

Then last night as the Skeeper was fixing me dinner, wouldn't you know that her partner just had to come by and ask for a fish recipe. Uh-huh. Sure.

The Skeeper and I are getting a kick out of people--not just Lesbian Couple #2--wondering why we spend so much time together. After all he is married and this is just SCANDALOUS! It's hard for people to imagine that we have a friendship based on the fact that he likes to cook, doesn't like eating alone, and I can be charming company. Plus I helped him with his computer and I did the dishes. It's pretty simple.

If I had to choose between being thought of as a mooch or a whore, I'd take the latter any day. Especially at this age. It's kind of a compliment, actually.

semana santa

I have not always spoken kindly of the snowbirds in Mexico. You know, the ones who don't like Mexico or Mexicans but like cheap food and the beach and the sun. Fortunately, those people skedaddled around mid March. The remaining group is of a tolerable size and are here because they like Mexico and they like Mexicans (and the food is cheap and the weather is great and there's that beach).

Last night we walked around enjoying the sights, sounds, food and people during this crazy time, Semana Santa. I loved it that we were the only gringos. We went to the carnival. We ate fish tacos and shrimp cocktails. We couldn't help but dance under the strobe lights to music blaring from one of the carnival rides. We sampled the pineapple marinated pork from a new taco stand.

When we returned to the park, music blasted from the various family gatherings -- a group with a bonfire outside bungalow six, car stereos from campsites under the palapas. A band at the "party house" across the road behind my trailer serenaded me as I fell asleep.

Today we have plans to walk the beach to where the college kids are camped. I need to work. I've done very little transcription what with all the distractions: cocktail hours, dinners out, cocktail hours. But, hell, all this socializing is about to come to a crashing halt. Three couples leave this week and the rest will be gone by May 1st. Lesbian Couple #1 will leave in July for a few months, and Lesbian Couple #2 will head north in June. Just seven of us will stay throughout the summer. I'll have plenty of time to work then.

cruz roja mexicana

The Mexican Red Cross has been fundraising for the past two weeks. People dressed as red crosses have been standing on corners with cans with slits in the lids. We've tossed in a peso or two but no more. No; we're not doing that any more. Now we're throwing in hundreds of pesos.

Twice this week ambulances have been called to RVs here on my row (which houses only five occupied rigs). Both times people have been taken to the hospital in the next biggest city which is 60 miles away FOR FREE. Yep. Ambulance rides do not cost one centavo. A third world country with affordable--and sometimes free--health care.

No wonder so many North American residents live here illegally.