Last night was the first night since June that I was able to sleep with the AC off, the fans going, the windows open. I do believe the weather is finally changing. This morning when I opened the trailer door I wasn't met with a wall of humidity. As the Jailbird would say, 'life is good'.
Speaking of the Jailbird, the rumor that he had been released from prison the 1st of August was only a rumor. I've since heard two release dates, first January and now November. Whatever. When I thought he was out of prison, I didn't expect to hear from him, or at least I didn't expect him to write. But when I found out he's been in prison all this time, I wondered why he hadn't written since that flurry of letters in July. So I wrote him that I worried that I had pissed him off by calling him out on that honesty thing. Or maybe he didn't like the song I had written.
My thinking that he might be mad at me kind of set him off. The other day I noticed that two calls had come in on my phone. The way cell service works here is that callers aren't identified and they can't leave messages (at least on my service) so all I know is that I missed a call from 'withheld' at such and such a time. The day after the two withhelds the phone rang and I answered it and it was the Jailbird's son. "Hey, my dad called and he said he tried calling you but the calls wouldn't go through. He wanted me to make sure he had the right number. He said he's not mad at you and he really wants to talk to you." I told the Jailbird's son to tell his dad not to call me, that it's too expensive. Then later an email from my friend at the park: "The Jailbird's not mad; he misses you...."
The next day the phone rang and I sat there with it in my hand pondering whether or not to answer. It was most likely the Jailbird and I didn't know if I wanted to talk to him. As much as I'd like to hear his voice, gauge his tone, determine if he sounds different drug-free, I was afraid I would say things I would later regret. Things like 'I love you' and 'Sure, come to Mexico. I know of a house for rent for $200 a month.' I could not be trusted that I would not say those things.
So I didn't answer the phone. I'll wait for his letter...should he write. Maybe the jailers took away his writing privileges. Maybe he doesn't have money for paper and postage.
My relationship with the Jailbird is another facet of my life where I feel as though I'm an observer, that all I can do is see how things unfold. Given my new laissez faire attitude, I'm curious to see where this will lead.
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2 comments:
Antonia ~ I am filled to over flowing, or is that overbrimming, with questions about you and who you call the Jail Bird. Plus, curiosity about you and relationships and what you want from this one w/JB. On top of it all, I love reading your entries and get totally caught up in wondering what will/has come next. junemoon
junemoon, what a nice comment. thank you so much. i'll try to sort out my relationship with the JB - what do i want? that is a good question. i'll work on a post.
btw, i'm thinking about creating my version of the disserchime. for instance, a spanish word chime to motivate me when i put off studying spanish. kind of a pavlov's dog thing...hear the chime and think "oh, yeah, spanish!" i'll let you know if it works, unless i put that off too :o)
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