the vasectomy monologues

I was going to do a series of posts on things that may be surprising for younger people to know about senior citizens but I didn't write the list down so I forgot what was on it. That is not a surprising senior citizen trait. However, because this is fresh in my mind, here's one I do remember: We've been talking about penises a lot lately.

It all started a couple weeks ago when seemingly out of nowhere Willie broke his femur. The biggest damn bone in the human body just broke, snapped apart. Not only did that delay Willie and his wife's return to the U.S. (they were due to leave the next day) but ever since the surgery his wife's been bragging about her husband's new 12 inch steel shaft. I said I hoped we didn't see her humping his leg at some point.

Last night at happy hour - a common senior citizen/snowbird activity - I was surprised to learn that 100 percent of the men present - all three of them - had vasectomies. Each man described his procedure and his reaction to it. Peter was told by a friend that he was able to "get off a round" the very next day. Peter thought he'd give it a shot but when he looked down and realized that his body was black and blue from his chest to his thighs, decided "no way, Jose." Willie said he pushed himself up on his elbows so he could watch. Are you fucking kidding me? Dick said he looked for the cheapest doctor and Peter said he didn't think he'd want to spare expenses when it came to that.

I'm more accustomed to sitting with women as they rehash childbirth, hysterectomies, and describe orgasms. This was truly a new - and in a weird way - refreshing change. I was also impressed that these macho men had done something that a lot of men were afraid to do. Remember, these are senior citizens and vasectomies were relatively new procedures back in the day.

So there you go, surprising senior citizen fact: 100 percent of the senior citizen gringos in this little park on the Sea of Cortez have had vasectomies.